Family Astrology 101: Parenting with Astrology – Part 1

Family astrology is one of the most useful practices in astrology; it can really help navigate parent/child relationships, parent to parent relationships, sibling relationships, and larger family dynamics (grandparents, aunts, uncles, nephews, and nieces). The articles within this series, Family Astrology, will explore various topics each month to help build an understanding of the astrology of family and how it can help you with your family.

Parenting with Astrology and My Background

Parenting is one of, if not, the hardest jobs on the planet. And I can say that with conviction since I have a PhD in English, which I earned in 1996, and I have been the primary caretaker for my daughter, who was born in January of 2005.  Raising her, and the work involved, makes my PhD look like learning to play checkers while trying to raise her has been like mastering quantum physics, string theory, or putting together a specific Lego project with 1,00,000 pieces and no instructions, just a grainy photo of the final product and all the pieces in a pile. Now go!

When I was first asked, at some time in my youth, “would you like to have kids one day?”  My answer was an emphatic, “No!”  This answer was consistently the same, and just as emphatic, up until I turned 35.  Oddly enough (but rather easily explained by my astrology), my internal shift on this issue arrived when I was divorced and had been single for almost 3 years.  I suddenly had the thought that I might want to try out a big brother program or, a shock of shocks, fostering!  I had a very good career with a major university in North Carolina, making far more than I was spending or needing to spend, and feeling like I wanted to help young people trying to navigate the world.

It was rather soon after this paradigm shift (within a year) that I met the woman who would be the mother of my daughter.  In a rather rapid succession of events, we entered a committed relationship and she got pregnant the very first try off birth control.  Part of our conversation before trying was who would be the stay-at-home parent and who would continue their career.  Hers had more upward financial potential and she loved her work; mine was steady, but I could see some “writing on the wall”, so we decided I would be the one to stay home.  That was just one of many experiences where I have now learned, truly and deeply learned, “never say never!” I went from “no kids ever!” to “look at me, I am a stay-at-home dad!”

Around the time my daughter was planned, conceived, and born, I was already accomplished as a tarot/oracle card reader and a serious student of astrology.  Her mother and I were very conscious about planning our daughter’s birth because her mother has a Scorpio Sun with Capricorn Rising and Gemini Moon.  I am an Aries Sun with a Scorpio Rising and Libra Moon.  Suffice to say, astrologically speaking, we are both quite intense and driven, and certain other signs of the Zodiac would not thrive well in our parenting dynamic.  With my best effort and research, it made sense for us to try to invite in a soul that would have either a Sagittarius, Capricorn, or Aquarius Sun sign.  Our daughter was conceived in May and born at the end of January, so Aquarius was the outcome.

How Does Astrology Work?

Besides planning for which Sun sign we thought would work energetically with our energy designs, we were ready to see what design our child chose as her signature way to move through the world, and then, after she was born, we worked to figure out how her design was going to impact ours and vice versa.  So, to understand how parenting with astrology works, you need to understand some key concepts about astrology in general.

1. The chart is not a person. It is a map, a guide, a potentiality.  It does have reliable influences, but it is not deterministic.  Consider twins; they have the same chart, but not the same “driver” (soul).
2. Astrology can explain and guide a lot! But it cannot answer everything. Our souls are incarnated to do work.  And the layout of the solar system when took our first breath is the map we selected for guidance or the vehicle we selected to drive to get us around in this life.
3. We enter this world with a design, not as a blank slate. The design is malleable, sometimes very much so, and sometimes quite rigid.  The same can be said of the soul incarnating and/or reincarnating.  So, you can get some dynamic configurations like rigid soul, very flexible design or flexible soul in a rigid design, along with nuances on each end of the spectrum.
4. You are so very, very much more than your Sun sign. And when it comes to relating to other souls and charts (designs), knowing the Sun sign only, while more than knowing nothing, is a far cry from seeing a fully rendered chart (See the images below for comparison)

Newborn Sun Only

Newborn Fully Rendered Chart

As you can see pretty clearly, the newborn has chosen a complex design right at the beginning.  Just as you did when you were born.

How Does Parenting with Astrology Work?

Parenting with astrology actually begins by learning and knowing your chart and the chart or charts of other people who will be most directly involved with raising the child.  We all have design strengths, weaknesses, hidden talents, and blind spots.  Some aspects of parenting will come naturally for us while others may require tremendous effort just to be mediocre.  Some parenting skills or responsibilities we may have to leave to others or pay others to do the work. Among the many wisdoms, astrology has taught me, one of the most important is to know my limits.

It may surprise armchair astrologers, but I am not the yelling, demanding parent, which could easily be the assumption with my Aries Sun and my Scorpio Ascendant. You might guess that my Libra Moon softens things considerably, and it does, but my Sun also has a twist, my North Node, my spiritual stretch goal, is conjunct my Sun, meaning I am learning to be an Aries in this lifetime.  I have to learn to be more forceful and sterner as a parent; those behaviors do not actually come naturally for me. They are a piece of the pie, with whip cream and a cherry on top, for her mother.  She is all Scorpio with some softening from her Gemini Moon; think iron fist in a suede (not velvet) glove.

After learning your chart, and any other significant charts among the adults caring for the child, then you need to learn and know your child’s chart.  What hit me, and usually hits my clients, is the full-on complexity of the chart right from the start, even if the soul inside is just beginning to emerge and develop.  You can see first hand that your newborn has a design, and it is complex.  The chart of the newborn is a wondrous mix of potential guided by the energy in a certain way.  And you will have to observe your child see if what astrology says about the points and their positions reveal themselves in the behavior, communication, and actions of your child.

Again, I think a picture really will be worth a thousand words, or quite a few more.  Below are the parent and the newborn chart shown separately but in a single image.

Parenting with astrology means looking at these two charts in relation to each other, in a form of astrology practice known as synastry.  This can be shown with the final two images for this article (reducing some of the complexity to make it more manageable visually, and for interpretation in the following articles).  The first image is the Newborn’s chart inside and the parent’s chart outside.  The second image reverses the positions.  Not only do we teach and activate the child, but the child teaches and activates us.

Parent Influence on the Child

Newborn Influence on the Parent

Please join me next month as we begin to make sense of all this visual and energetic information!